honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
