you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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