I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
