i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My bed smells like the plague
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
