I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
