who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
nutella sex= disaster
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
