I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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