I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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