We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
