I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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