I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
