tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
