How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
