Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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