Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
