VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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