cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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