If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
