I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
