Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
