I only kidnapped one of them. chill
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
