i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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