Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
