Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
