I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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