Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
