He asked to "fluff my boner.."
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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