You smell like stripper and shame
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
