i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
