All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
