please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
