come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
