I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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