Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Randomize
