is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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