so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
