At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
