I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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