oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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