I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
