Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
