Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's blow job season.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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