I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
