he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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