Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
