I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
