Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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