didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
