i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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