Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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