Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
