Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
