So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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