oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
