i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
