so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You made out with two different species that night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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