That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
