Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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