Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
