I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
