I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
