Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
