No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
