Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
