Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
