I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
