Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
