I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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