They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
