his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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