Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
