I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
