You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
