I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
