I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize