so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
