i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
