Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
