tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
