gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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